Our relationship status does not define our worth. But married or single, a momma of littles or an empty-nester, these roles mark and shape who we are in significant ways.
Over the next three weeks here at Velvet Ashes, we are going to be carving out space to talk about these important topics: singleness, marriage and parenting. Even if one week doesn’t feel like it applies to you, I hope that you will come alongside of each other as a community to understand and support.
This week, our focus will rest on singleness: the joys and challenges, the freedom and sorrow that can be all rolled into one. Single sisters, we hope you will find camaraderie in the posts this week, and space to share in the comments and on social media. We want to hear your hearts and your stories, no matter what age or stage of singleness you might be in.
Make sure you use the hashtag #VelvetAshesSingleness over on Instagram! What do you love about serving single? What has been super hard lately? We would love to see your images this week!
Photo by Paola Aguilar on Unsplash
It appears I am the first (hopefully not the last). I am a midlife single who has been a CCW for most of my adult life. And like Maria said at the beginning of the week there are times when it absolutely stinks.
Unlike Maria, I haven’t found a welcoming community anywhere in the world. I live in a land where singleness is seen as a disability, so people are very suspicious of single women. So despite living in a megacity, I am very isolated and struggle with loneliness daily. And despite being very outgoing and a “good friend” friendships here are hard to find and harder to maintain.
Thank you, Sarah, for your post on laments – it was so apt for where I am at the moment in my journey. I am lamenting. Lamenting my loneliness, lamenting my isolation, lamenting the loss of friendships as people continue to move on to stages in life with which I don’t connect. I am lamenting NOT complaining. I hadn’t recognised that difference until today. When I share my struggles, friends often respond as if I am complaining and need to be corrected, but that is not true. I know God loves me, that He is gracious and merciful and sovereign and holds me tight in his arms. What I am doing is being honest about where I am at the moment. Being honest about how much it hurts and being honest about the longings in my heart is not complaining.
I think that married friends often think that I should be “used” to being single now, that I should have “gotten over” singleness being hard. Perhaps even that my longings for belonging and home and to share my life with someone who is there every day should have been put in a box and tied up with a ribbon by now, after all, I am in my fifties! But that is not the journey that God has me on. He has not taken away my desires for marriage despite many tear-filled nights of begging, and he has not answered them with a yes. So I continue to wait for what He has planned for me, and I continue to lament, and I continue to trust that during the days that “stink” he is still a good God!
It’s good to know I can take time to lament. I am thankful I can pour out my heart honestly, vulnerably before my Maker. I can trust that He does indeed hear and He does care. I do still have lingering hopes…”I had hoped” moments. They are kind of like broken pieces lying on the floor, scattered around. I look at these dashed hopes and wonder if these broken pieces will ever come together into a nice, beautiful puzzle picture. For now, I don’t want to gaze on those pieces, so I see myself picking them up and putting them into my Father’s hands. I tell Him, “You know what to do with these pieces, I don’t.” He will indeed finish the puzzle in a glorious way. It may not come together the way I had “hoped,” however, I trust, it will be glorious. My hope lies in His promise to complete the good work that He began in me. Even now, I feel a bit of eager expectation rising within to see just what that will look like, that glorious finished puzzle, fashioned by His capable hands.