When Seeking Means Waiting

We are all seeking something, seeking more that seems just out of reach. There is a built in discontentment, a holy discontentment, if you will, within every person that forces us up, forces us forward. We seek, we grab onto one thing after another be it friends, money, good works (yes, even church/cross-cultural work), kids, or a husband but still we are discontent. It’s not enough. The desperation within us pushes us back to seeking.

What we have is not enough. We need something else, something more.

It is this awareness of our own seeking hearts that brought many of us into the arms of Christ in the beginning, tiring of seeking that only ends with frustration and hopelessness. Here we found love, peace, joy, purpose, and hope. Here we found something truly worth seeking, more of Christ. And there is always more so we keep seeking.

As I meditated on this word, seeking, while considering the Christmas story I noticed two points. The first is fairly obvious, seek Christ. Upon Christ’s birth there were many who sought Him; the shepherds and the wise men the most obvious. There was a whisper of hope, a hint of change and a need to understand. We also should be seeking Christ in this Christmas season, this moment in time that reminds us of He who came to this world to live among us, to save us with the desire to be sought by us.

Within most of us, we have a sense that there is something more for our lives, something we must continue to seek, that will change everything. And, thus, my second point, He is enough and worth seeking. To seek more of Him truly does change so much but, sometimes, we can’t see it.

Consider the shepherds. They ran from their flocks and tore through Bethlehem seeking this praised child. Upon finding Him they were in awe, they worshiped and they knew something had changed and told everyone they met. But then they walked back to the fields, sat down by their sheep and watched the star lit, but silent, skies. The shepherds were undoubtedly changed by their encounter with the angels and with baby Jesus but, outwardly, their lives changed very little.

I would like to think they had greater hope and peace as they followed their bleating sheep, maybe quicker to give a smile and, of course, they love to retell the story of that amazing night when everything changed. But their circumstances didn’t change.

Currently I am in a season of waiting, of preparation. Being a doer, one who wants to check things off my lists, waiting is hard. I keep looking around wondering why, wondering when will I have a list to check off, when will things change. I look over the past year when Jesus has met me in intimate moments, changing my heart, clarifying His will in my life and I rejoice. I celebrate the moments and I read the words He spoke to my heart and hold to the promises He whispered. But my circumstances have not changed.

How often have I pursued God, desperately seeking an answer, a change, fulfillment, peace, or whatever and nothing seems to change. The difficult job remains difficult, the friend remains indifferent to the Truth, the family member remains sick, the budget remains negative, etc. I look around and wonder if He’s even listening. Is my desperate seeking not enough?

Such negative, crushing thoughts have been haunting my steps the past few months in this season of waiting. I press in to seek Him more, to hold to Him tighter and to leave my hope in His large, capable hands. He is worth seeking every moment of every day, even when my circumstances don’t change.

I sit surrounded by my own brokenness and “what if’s.” He crouches in front of me and says, “Am I not enough? You are seeking me but looking at your circumstances to find Me. I’m right here, child.”

He is worth seeking this Christmas, worth fixing our eyes on even (or especially) in our brokenness, our loss, the mundane, even the joy because, truly, He is enough.

Do you recall a time where you sought Christ more, sought change but nothing, outwardly, changed? How did you go forward? What helped you remember He is enough?