Goodbye, Dear One
“I suggest you prepare yourself for losing this baby,” the gynecologist warned gently. “I can’t find any heart movement.” Alarmed, I tried to comprehend this sudden turn of events. I hadn’t even had my first appointment, and now here I lay on an examining table—on my thirty-first birthday, in Indonesia, at 9:00 p.m.—beginning to miscarry. […]
When Answers Don’t Come
I remember the silence in the ultrasound room. It was unnerving, and I knew something was wrong. The words that soon followed confirmed my suspicions: “I cannot find a heartbeat.” It seemed like a cruel joke. My appointment was supposed to confirm life, but instead I was staring at death. My tears began to flow, […]
Peace in the Passing
We came to our country of service with a 13-month-old in tow. After the first few months of unmet expectations of jumping into ministry with my husband, I declared we needed another baby to keep me busy. All day, every day with a babbling toddler and similar-sounding babbling aunties outside (because I couldn’t speak more […]
Hidden Loss
This post contains sensitive content regarding pregnancy loss. If that is too triggering for you, please feel free to stop reading! Miscarriage. It tends to be a hidden loss, an unspoken pain, a hush-hush topic. It’s something not shared too willingly (risky! vulnerable!), something brushed aside too easily. With pregnancy loss, especially early on, it’s […]