Poetry…rarely is this the medium of choice to express my heart. Yet every once in a while, poetry is the perfect space for God to cement His Truths into my soul. This was one such occasion. I had just returned ‘home’ to America after living, serving, and (mostly) loving the five years I had spent in China. I returned with my suitcases brimming with all things Chinese and a grocery list full of questions…
- Will I always find ‘cutsie’ Hello Kitty items quite as appealing as I do right now??
- What’s it look like to be an adult in America?? To choose an apartment rather than have the Chinese school officials chose one for me?
- On what continent have you called me to live?? North America? Asia? Antarctica?
- Is there a man out there for me? If so, God, what continent is he on??
- What does community look like as a young adult in America?
- Do my giftings and passions fit in the States?
Talk about loaded questions that swirled and whirled around my mind!! Searching for answers was exhausting and although it was producing some results (a job, friends, next steps in life), it was also producing a very discontented spirit. In all of my strivings, I was missing out on the gift of truly knowing my Father. It was in this season that God gave me this poem, reminding me that as I sit at His feet, He freely gives me the gift of Himself.
My heart looks outward at what I do not possess,
longing for what is not mine,
coveting good in the life of another,
believing when this is attained…
then will I find peace, joy, and love.
Like Israel, I ask for a king who will lead and guide
While I am blinded to the heavenly King already holding my hand.
I only see
I only want
I only ask
I only beg for what I do not have.
And then…you freely give,
bestowing that which I’ve so fervently asked.
You are not threatened by the promises of this earthly kingdom.
For you know that apart from you, in time…
The promise of peace is met with discontentment,
joy is met with disappointment,
love is met with manipulation.
As these promises return void,
It’s You I turn to once again;
This time trusting the Giver, not the gifts.
Your way is narrow and bumpy, uncharted, and unsafe…
And yet oh, so good!
The path appears out of control,
But it perfectly fits within Your Sovereign plans.
Only the True, Loving, and Honorable King
would risk rejections so that He alone can reign unchallenged in my life as
the Prince of Peace
the King of Joy,
the Lord of Love.
How has God revealed Himself to you of late?