The reasons God calls us overseas are certainly nuanced. There is the obvious reason that each Christian is called regardless of location or vocation—to go and make disciples. Then there are the individual reasons that draw us to wherever we end up, perhaps a job, an organization, or a ministry opportunity. After all is said and done though, when we arrive, we often discover that God has many reasons for our being there. Yes, he wants to make himself known to the people we are serving, but he also wants to make himself known to us. Many years overseas not only results in change in others and other places but also in ourselves.
Personally, one of those nuanced reasons God called me overseas was fear.
Anxiety marked my days, and I can remember it strapping me to the seat of my car as I drove up to our pre-field orientation eight years ago. I was paralyzed by it.
What if they don’t like me? What if I can’t make friends? What if I am anxious and have an anxiety attack? What if I’ve made a big mistake?
My past of social anxiety whispered ungrounded fears in my ear: the fear of being judged for what luggage I had brought (or rather, how much), the fear of coming across as young and incompetent, the fear of all things new and different.
The reality that I had signed on for two years of complete unknown was hitting me, telling me I was a fool for thinking I could do this.
I did eventually manage to open my car door, albeit calculated and with a tremble, and boy, am I glad I did.
Through the sometimes subtle but often alarming stretching of my comfort zone, God has worked diligently to rid me of my fears.
There are the ways he’s given me the chance to overcome physical, more superficial fears, like missing my flight and heights (okay, that one is still pretty hard for me—it doesn’t appear that hiking up mountains has cured that one). Then there are the fears that keep me up at night. What if you’re not really good, God? What if I never experience what I am dreaming of and desiring? What if you call me somewhere I don’t want to go? What if I heard you wrong or I find out I’ve based my whole life around a lie?
The truth is simple: trust in the Lord with all your heart. The application, however, is often more elusive. Those questions don’t just go away when morning comes. I find that it is not so much that God removed the fear, but rather, he has given me opportunities to discover that he is trustworthy enough to rely on when fear wants to take over. The proofs are too numerous to deny. God has provided over and over. God has been good over and over. God has spoken to me time and time again.
Hebrews gives us a good idea of what to do in moments of great fear.
“Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:14–16 ESV)
God has promised to be with us, and he will be.
If you’re in a season of great fear, take heart. Bring it to the One who has overcome. There is no waste at the altar.
You may find yourself hiking on the side of a cliff when you’re afraid of heights. You may miss your flight. Not everyone will like you. And you’ll likely not get everything you’re wanting. There will be a time that God asks you to be out of your comfort zone and to step into fear. He will never ask you to step into it alone. If you continue to put one foot in front of the other, following his lead, you may just look back and find out that you’ve left your fear somewhere along the path. Not to say that new fear won’t come join you at some point, but next time, you’ll turn to your hiking partner and he will give you mercy, grace, and the reminders you need to leave it behind once again. It is worth it, this life. I promise. And more than that, he promises to be with you in it all. Do not forget the end of that great commandment that spurs us on in our ministry.
“And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20 ESV)
What reasons might God have called you overseas that you weren’t expecting? What ways have you changed? What fears is God asking to hold with you?
