The ol’ girl ain’t what she used to be.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my momma say that through the years. And not surprisingly, I find myself murmuring her wisdom to my own reflection as I wash the tired off my face. Because it’s true.
Physically, there are a few too many greys that have taken up residence among the strands of dark blonde. And I don’t remember inviting these lines that have subtly appeared at the sides of my mouth. They give a whole new meaning to turning that frown upside down. Then, of course, there are the occasional dark circles. No matter how hard I try to wash the tired away, they always tell the real story of many a sleepless night. And even on the days when the mirror might be somewhat kind to my face, this midlife waistline of mine confirms my eyebrows aren’t the only thing out of shape.
If only the former could be waxed into shape too. But I digress.
I rinse my face one last time, dab it dry, and then muster up the courage to take another honest look in the mirror. It’s not just the physical changes that bother me.
After all,
the greys can be colored,
the lines can be covered,
and the waistline will be conditioned in Jesus’ name.
See, underneath that quarter smile and the many hats she wears, underneath the facade that she has it all together, there is an ol’ girl who isn’t at all what she used to be. An ol’ girl who, on September 4th, will have spent just as many years residing overseas as she has living in her homeland—something she never saw coming.
Yes, there is an ol’ girl who looks in the mirror and reflects on the young lady who entered into a cross-cultural marriage and ministry. The girl who was untrained and had little clue what she was getting into but answered the call to go anyway.
What would the ol’ girl in the mirror say to her?
Well, she’d tell her that being a pastor’s wife is hard, and that being a pastor’s wife in a cross-cultural setting is VERY HARD. She’d caution her that the ache of loneliness and alienation that accompanies the unique expectations of a pastor’s family is even more pronounced because she is living an overseas life. And though few people will care to understand, she’d suggest that she connect with mentors who have been there, done that. Mentors who will encourage her heart when she feels like walking away.
Because she will feel like walking away.
And then she’d reiterate that her priority as a helpmeet to her husband is to first minister to those within the walls of their home. They will be her most important field. So, before diving headfirst into filling vacancies within the church, and risk burnout, she must examine her bandwidth. In seasons of wide bandwidth, she’ll naturally have the capacity to handle and engage in more. But she will also need to pay attention when her bandwidth is low. In these seasons, she will need to give herself permission to pull back, so that she can pour into the heritage God has entrusted her with.
And speaking of heritage, she’d encourage her younger self to be patient as she learns to navigate motherhood in a foreign land. From not being able to afford the dream nursery to learning the unfamiliar sport that her children pursue to the inability to share milestone moments in person with family back home, there will be sacrifice. Lots of sacrifice. She will be stretched as she’s required to do brave things. Things that the safety of her small town could’ve never prepared her for. Things that will intimidate her and take her even further out of her comfort zone.
But she can also be heartened, for she will never have to do those things alone. True to His Word, the presence of God will be with her—and with her children—wherever they go. He will honor her obedience to remain steadfast in His calling by blessing her children in ways that are immeasurably more. And as He does, she will come to realize that her greatest purpose has nothing to do with being a perfect mother, but everything to do with being a prayerful one.
So, take the pressure—whether cultural or self-imposed—off.
Lastly, she’d remind her younger self to not only take pleasure in serving the Lord, but to also be purposeful in savoring Him. To remember her First Love. For it will be His grace that will prove sufficient in her times of weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). It will be His love that will cast out every fear (1 John 4:18). It will be His peace that will guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7). And it will be His Word that will remind her when she looks in that mirror some two decades later that it’s okay the ol’ girl ain’t what she used to be. She’s not supposed to be. For she’s “being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18 AMP)
What would be your greatest piece of advice to your younger self as you reflect on living an overseas life?
2 Responses
Beautiful, Stephanie!
I’m nearly 44 and in the throes of perimenopausal fatigue. I saw a similar question on someone else’s thread recently, and while I’ve seen a lot of people tell their younger selves to be more gentle with themselves, I would actually tell my younger self to take advantage of all that energy while she still has it. I think I did though — I’m glad I worked as hard as I did in my 20s and 30s because once I hit my 40s, I couldn’t do it all anymore. Not that I was ever super high capacity anyway. I always had to pace myself.
I’ve been told that after perimenopause, the fatigue lifts and energy stabilizes, so I actually look forward to being more outwardly fruitful in the future. For now, I have that low bandwidth you were talking about and have to honor it.
But more than that, I would tell my younger self to always root myself in Christ. That is time well spent, always yielding a rich reward. And it’s the thing that will get you through the hard times, even the incredible fatigue of your 40s.
Yes, Elizabeth! Being rooted in God and in His Word helps us to remember Whose we are even in these perimenopausal days when we can’t seem to figure out who we are.
And I’ve heard the same thing – that energy levels, as well as the fog that can accompany perimenopause, eventually stabilizes. What a wonderful gift that will be!