“God, the one and only—I’ll wait as long as he says. Everything I need comes from him. […] My help and glory are in God—granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—So trust him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be.” Psalm 62: 1a, 7-8 The Message
“I will wait as long as he says.”
In February my husband and I flew down to Florida to escape the Minnesota cold and to connect with two other couples that left the field the same time we did, about two and a half years ago. As we sat down and intentionally shared our stories of what has transpired, I was struck with how similar we all were. We had been changed deeply during our time in Southeast Asia, and we struggled through the losses of what had transpired there and since our return. We belong neither here nor there, and are often perplexed with how God will use the experiences we had.
We juggle a longing for being back overseas, but know He has brought us to the States for this season of recovery and growth. We may even fear that the season here is longer than we expected. Does that longing for a convergence of our passions, skills, and experience take place overseas or is it best utilized here? I admit that I fear both answers. In both places, I have a hard time trusting Him absolutely.
As our time in Cambodia feels further away and separated from our current life, I need to be reminded that God can look over the course of my whole life and see every single move I will make and how the pieces of my story converge into a much bigger one. Sometimes I fear being lost, useless, and forgotten. That is when I need to be reminded that I can trust Him absolutely—nothing is lost. He sees intimately and knows us so completely that we do not need to fear that where He has us is wrong. If He is truly a safe place to be, I can live expectantly looking ahead but also grounded where He has me.
Paul Tripp writes, “Because I am in God’s family, God rules over all things for my good. When nothing in my life makes sense, my life is still under His control.”
When we left Cambodia in the spring of 2014, I had a friend say to me, “Just because you’re leaving now, doesn’t mean you’ll never come back.” At the time, I could not picture that I would ever be in a healthy enough state of mind and heart to want to return to the stress of life there. As much as I mourned the loss of our life in Cambodia, I was ready to be done. We needed to step away to find some deep healing. Time gives perspective, though, and now both my husband and I struggle with the wait. “When God? Where? Oh Lord, use us!”
“I will wait as long as he says. I will trust him absolutely.” These words are ever present on my lips as we pray and seek Him for our next steps. We ask to wait patiently, fully trusting that He will show us the when and where.
Where are you waiting for a convergence of your passions, skills and desires?
Are you juggling a longing right now?