Jesus Loves Me This I Sometimes Know

I used to think trusting God meant trusting Him for the circumstances of my life. I used to think it meant trusting God for my future. But this past year God has completely overhauled my understanding of Trust.

I’m married to a man who has all the gifts. Seriously. You name it, he’s got it. And as he and his gifts have grown more public these past few years, I began to believe nobody valued my gifts or even noticed them. Nobody saw me, I told myself; they only saw him. I convinced myself the world didn’t want anything I had to offer; they only wanted what he had to offer.

I felt myself disappearing, fading into nothingness. Very soon, I told myself, I would be invisible. Am I important? Do I matter? Does anybody see me, truly see me? In agony I flung these questions into the cosmos, only to have them answered time and again with a resounding NO. No, you’re not seen; no, you don’t matter; no, you’re not important.

I was certain the problem was my marriage. If only I weren’t married to such a massively talented man, I wouldn’t feel this way. If only he would stop shining, I would feel better about myself. I accused him of erasing me and told him I wanted to die. We kept repeating the same irrational conversations.

Then one Sunday last fall I awoke with the sudden realization that the bitterness I held toward my husband was actually directed at God. None of this was my husband’s fault — it was God’s. He was the One who hadn’t given me the desirable gifts. He was the One who was withholding from me. This was no longer about my marriage: it was about my trust in God’s goodness.

Why does the Giver of gifts seem to pick favorites? Why are some people more highly favored? If God loves us all equally, why are His blessings so unequal? Since (by my reckoning) God hadn’t given me the good gifts, I concluded that He must not love me.

That sounds ridiculous, I know. Learning that Jesus loves us is one of the first things we do in Sunday school. When we belt out Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so, we’re supposed to believe it. Except here I was, and I didn’t believe it.

I prayed a half-hearted prayer: God, please, meet me at church today. I’m not even sure I meant it. Then at church the speaker began talking about how God doesn’t pick favorites. From my seat I remember hearing, “He doesn’t like Ernie more than Ann.” I looked up in astonishment and told God, I think You just answered my prayer.

God had spoken to my mind that morning, but my heart still had its doubts. My solution was to try grunting my way into belief. I thought if I just.tried.hard.enough, I could force myself to believe God’s love for me. But head knowledge has a hard time filtering down into heart knowledge, and I was groping in the dark.

A few months later I found myself in a counseling office to debrief my first few years overseas. Conversation soon came to a standstill. I was stuck. The counselor wisely handed me some colored pencils and asked me to draw. I’m an abysmal artist, but I did as she asked: I drew a purple mountain’s majesty, a part of Creation that draws me closer to God.

The counselor asked me what that mountain might say to me. The first words that came to me were “Just Sit.” Then she asked what else that mountain might say to me, and the word “Believe” immediately flooded my soul.

“Believe what?” she asked.

Through tears, I croaked, “Believe that God loves me as much as He loves my husband.”

And with that one word from God, months of striving to grasp His unconditional, all-surpassing, non-partisan Love evaporated. God used a poor colored-pencil sketch to short-circuit my rational brain and reach inside my heart. It was a breakthrough of belief that took me deeper into the love of God than I ever dreamed I’d go.

Shortly after my time with the counselor, I encountered I John 4:16 in the New International Version: “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.” I stopped cold. For me, knowing God’s love came first, and relying on it came afterwards. How could this verse so perfectly sum up my experience of God’s love when it had been written some 1,900 years earlier??

I loved this verse so much I looked it up in other versions. The English Standard Version reads, “And so we have come to know and to believe the love God has for us.” When I looked it up in the Greek, I discovered that “know” implies a personal experience, and “believe” means to trust. I John 4:16 is most definitely my story. First I had a personal experience of God’s love, and now I find I can trust it.

My Brute Force Method had failed. Trying to trust had failed. It was only when I let go and stopped striving that I could actually trust His love for me. So maybe trust is more of a release than a grip. Maybe it’s more of an invitation than an instruction. Maybe radical Trust in God isn’t about my circumstances, but about His love.

Psalm 13:5 declares, “I trust in Your unfailing love.” Trust in His unfailing love is life to me now. I no longer believe the lies that tell me my husband is more valuable than I am. I know I’m loved, and I no longer need to slice through my husband’s heart with my perfectly-practiced, precision-cut lies. The most broken part of our marriage has been made whole. I never thought I’d be able to proclaim that.

I am daily living Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3:17-19. I’m experiencing the love of Christ, and He is filling my life with His love. I’m trusting in Him, and He’s making His home in my heart. I feel my roots growing down deep into God’s love, and I trust its width, length, height, and depth like never before.

This is the cry of my heart for you today. I pray along with Paul, that “Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

 *****

Further resources that helped me know and rely on the love God has for me:

The life and ministry of Rich Mullins, especially his song “The Love of God

Anything by Brennan Manning, especially “Reflections for Ragamuffins

Beth Moore’s Beloved Disciple Bible Study or book

What is the thing in your life that makes you doubt that God loves and values you as much as He loves other people??

What is God inviting you to trust Him for?

48 Comments

  1. Jewel April 19, 2015

    Thank you, Elizabeth!  I am also in that journey, and just had a breakthrough moment of realizing that Love for ME.  And resting in it.  Now can I live it? Will it also affect the relationships that I have been putting pressure on?  Can I live in the Father’s love to me, resting in it?  I hope to, but it feels fragile.

    1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      So thankful you are realizing God’s great love for YOU personally. It comes both in big breakthrough moments, and bit by bit in the Word and prayer. And I agree, it does feel fragile at first. It will grow stronger, though.

      I want to give you some encouragement that yes, His love really can affect your relationships as you trust in Him. I couldn’t believe how different I became after that experience. I was no longer insecure or jealous. I didn’t feel competitive anymore. I would even sometimes look at myself and think, “How am I not getting upset about this anymore?” It was wild to experience, and I knew it was God, and my husband knew it too. At first he couldn’t believe it either, but now I think he’s enjoying a more peaceful wife 🙂 So yes, I really think that receiving God’s love affects our day-to-day human relationships too.

      Thank you for opening up and sharing your new found faith in God’s love, Jewel. I pray you’ll be able to feel God’s love more and more in the coming weeks and months, to know it and to rely on it, and to forever rest in it. Hugs.

      1. Amy Young April 20, 2015

        If this had a “like” or “cheer” or “you-go-girl” button, I’d hit it, somewhere in the neighborhood of 775 times!

  2. H April 19, 2015

    Thank you for this today.  I read the title and even just that is where I’m at.  I’ve never been a person who had a word for a year or anything like that.  But God’s love is something I just can’t get away from this year (how great is that though?!).  And time after time this year God has been driving home to me that he loves me and this isn’t just a song or an answer to a question but something that is real.

    Thank you for the verse you shared! It has just become a daily alarm reminder and 1 John might be added next on my reading list (after Hosea that I feel the need to read again after the passage in the retreat).  I just read the whole chapter.  And that verse and then verse 18 stuck with me.  I just realized this past weekend how many fears and worries have been hiding and as I am beginning support raising they are all surfacing all at once.  But I was reminded that “there is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment” And so many of my fears have to do with me failing or letting God down, and that’s why I so need to be reminded about 100 times a week that God already loves me. And I’ve known this, but it’s something I need to continually know.  Because it can be a truth I heard last week and that I hear yesterday during the retreat, but then today the lies flood back in and leave me a sobbing mess with how many ways I convince myself I am less than or not good enough. And so once again God is gracious and uses this time a post to remind me that God. Loves. Me.

    1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      Yes. God.Loves.You. It seems so simple, yet it’s so revolutionary! It changes everything. And yes, we need constant reminding from our Father in Heaven that He loves us, He really truly loves us with an eternal love. I have lots of littler stories from this year that didn’t fit in the blog post, stories of God sending me “love letters,” so to speak, and I so appreciated His reminders!

      I’ve had a lot of fears and anxieties in my life, too — you are not alone in that either! And I would have to continually go back to God with them. I would get tired of all those fears, all the time.

      I know I mentioned Rich Mullins at the bottom of the post — have you seen his chapel service at Wheaton shortly before he died? Somewhere in there I think he talks about that’s what God is going to ask us when we die — “did you really believe I love you?” Something like that. It’s either in Wheaton’s chapel or his interview with Sheila Walsh. Regardless, both were good 🙂 Chapel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYN5AyBZhn4 Interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwuN03zyJ04

      1. Amy Young April 20, 2015

        H and Elizabeth, your comments remind me of something the pastor said yesterday — he’s got three young children and is motivated with his wife to figure out what they need to do as parents to raise kind, compassionate, risk-taking adults. Kids raised with a foundation of love, not rules, go on to be kind, compassionate, risk-taking adults (or are more likely too). As you said Elizabeth, the foundation of LOVE is so simple yet so game changing, freedom welcoming, life giving. And I’m going to check out that Rick Mullins video. Thanks!

        1. H April 20, 2015

          Everyone should go watch the Rich Mullins concert.  His message at the end (around 30). YES! God isn’t impressed by our questions and answers but he’s quite taken with us.  And then he points out how with Nicodemus and the Rich Young Ruler Jesus told them both different things but for both it’s taking away what they were trusting in and finding security in.  And I’m brought back to my Bible reading this morning in Hosea 5:13-6:1.

          I’m going to have to bookmark that youtube clip and now I’m looking forward to watching the others during lunch and dishes tomorrow

  3. Julia April 20, 2015

    I relate to so much of this!  I really appreciate you sharing part of your story.  I have felt like in my current situation I cannot use the gifts and abilities I have been given and I have resented God for it.  My current roles seem to require me to do mostly what I am not good at, and I don’t bounce back from failure well; I am weary.

    Meanwhile, my husband succeeds and serves, despite having a mess of a spouse.  It doesn’t seem fair.  Yet I know that so many of my problems would be sorted out if I relied on God’s love, rather than looking for success.  Thank you for nudging me in the right direction!

    1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      Oh Julia, I had no idea other wives struggled with this, both when I was walking through it and when I was writing this story. I am so sorry for all the pain you have been through and are going through. Please please please know you are not alone. I’ve received private messages, too. This struggle is real for many women overseas.

      I’m convinced that when we keep silent, Satan uses that to discourage us even more. When we bring our fears into the Light, we give God permission to start dissolving them and to start filling us with His love.  I think the “right direction” is always towards God, and if I have in any way nudged you toward God with this post, then I am thankful for that. 🙂

      Did you go through the VA retreat this past weekend, when we read from Matthew 11:28-30 in the Message? “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” You say you are weary, and I know when I’m weary, those words are Life to my soul.

      May God bless you, Julia. May He fill you to overflowing with the knowledge of His love, the true, deep, heartfelt knowledge of His love. I praise God for your husband’s gifts, yes, and I praise God for your gifts, yes, and for your sacrifice in not being able to use them at the present time, most definitely yes, but mostly, I praise God for YOU, for a daughter so incredibly loved by the King, held in His arms and being shown, tenderly and slowly, perhaps, but being shown nonetheless, His great, big, powerful love for you. May it overwhelm you today, and each day going forward.

      Hugs.

      1. Amy Young April 20, 2015

        Yes, yes, yes, to the ways Satan uses silence. Thanks to you both for breaking some of the power the lies have on us.

  4. Laurie April 20, 2015

    Almost everyone at one point in their lives struggles with the individual, intensely personal love of Jesus for themselves. I know I have. For me, I wanted to be a good, if not great, musician, a part of the worship team. I am at best, mediocre in my musical gifts. However, I have come to love who I am, and playing music at home is a great delight to me. Of course, I love corporate worship, and I now am at a point where I don’t need to be on stage. It’s better for me and for the congregation that I allow others to share their gifts of leading worship.  Yesterday in my home church, I was very blessed to enjoy a gifted keyboard artist and singer as she led us in worship. I am grateful for her gifts. The old me would have struggled to enjoy her gifts, but now, I am just happy that I attend a church with someone who can touch God’s heart and lead us in worship.

    1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      Laurie, did you just get inside my head and retell my story, word for word???! Your story is mine too! I love music and worship and used to want to be some famous singer/songwriter. My voice is fine but nothing spectacular, but I sure do love to sing! I used to want to find my worth in singing on a stage (even though I get stage fright). And I did sing on a worship team once, and struggled with major jealousy and insecurity, and almost wrecked a friendship over it (thankfully we’re still bosom friends).

      I think it was just an intense longing to find my worth. So thankful God brings us through these things and that we can learn to enjoy other people’s gifts, let go of our own egos, and worship God together, all at the same time! Thank you for sharing your story here! It blessed me to know I’m not alone in that particular area.

  5. MaDonna April 20, 2015

    Oohh, this was good. Thank you for sharing your heart, for being super transparent. I, too, struggle with being frustrated with my husband over the things that he is gifted with and how insignificant I really feel – which really translates to feelings of not being good enough for God, not being the “favorited one”. Yeah, that struck a chord with me. Sometimes I think he just tolerates me…

    I’ve been learning that it isn’t about “being good enough”, but just about being – it’s Him in my life, not me in his life. It’s about Him working in my weaknesses, and working out my ugliness (character stuff); a lot about working out my ugliness. It’s that process of sanctification of making me be more like Christ in my every day living. It’s about knowing and trusting that God does love me – not just tolerates me.

    Thanks again, Elizabeth for your courage to share and may I just say, that I’m praying the prayer you wrote for you tonight…

    1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      Yes! Pray that prayer all the time, pray it as long as it takes to sink in! The pastor at our church read through that section in Ephesians each Sunday morning for probably a month or more, and right at the time when I was really needing to soak it in. (As an aside, I do adore the Apostle Paul.)
      “I’ve been learning that it isn’t about ‘being good enough,’ but just about being.” Yes. Yes yes yes. This is what our pastor preaches all the time too, that it’s about what God wants to do IN us first, before ever working THROUGH us. It’s about changing us, making us like Him, making us one with Him. 
      “It’s about knowing and trusting that God does love me – not just tolerates me.” Love this! Learning He doesn’t just tolerate me. Love is so much better and higher and sweeter than toleration!
      And on the ugliness — oh yes. Still have ugliness that disappoints me. Was crying over it yesterday in fact. Got alone, on my knees, and said, “God, what are you going to do with me??” His answer came to me: “Forgive you.” And here I was, thinking what a failure I had been and how could I let my heart get so ugly again, and what’s He going to do with someone who keeps.on.sinning. And His answer to me was so clear and gentle.
      Thank you for sharing this here, MaDonna, and may you feel the presence of God as you walk through these fears and frustrations. Sounds like He  is already working so much in your life, speaking to you, transforming your thoughts. May you feel His love in your heart, too, and gain an unshakable trust in His love.
      Sending you love through the internet!

      1. MaDonna April 21, 2015

        Thank you Elizabeth. I feel that you just may be a “kindred spirit”. My life passage that I picked out waaay back in my college years was Ps. 62 – because of the phrase “he is my fortress I will never be shaken” – I just had to share that with you. Love it when God makes me smile because of fun “coincidences” that are so totally planned by him. Hope that encourages you today – keep writing, your words speak life and encouragement!

  6. Penny Lucas April 20, 2015

    Thanks for sharing, Elizabeth. I have been on the same journey. One book that has helped me is Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

    1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      Thanks Penny 🙂 I remember reading Crazy Love sometime in the haze and craze of support raising, but I don’t remember anything specific. Might have to go back and re-read it!

  7. Chris April 20, 2015

    Thanks for being so honest – this post definitely connects with where I am at. Thanks for sharing Elizabeth!

    1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      I’m glad this story blessed you, Chris. Yes, God loves you! So much! May you know the truth of His love all the way down to the marrow in your bones.

      Blessings on the continuing ATCK life 🙂

  8. Kay Bruner April 20, 2015

    I love this so much!  The journey toward Love is pretty much the only thing, I think.  “God delights in you” were the words I heard years ago, and it still amazes me today to find places where that Love still needs to go inside me.  I was reading the mustard seed parable the other day and thinking about that tiny seed of Love and how it slowly slowly grows and heals and then the promise is that it becomes a sheltering tree for the birds to rest in.  I’m listening lots to Josh Garrel’s new album, Home; there’s so much love and invitation in those songs.

    1. Amy Young April 20, 2015

      The journey toward Love is pretty much the only thing, I think.

      Me too 🙂

    2. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      “It still amazes me today to find places where that Love still needs to go inside me.” Yes! Always new places He needs to touch. I’m so glad, because it means His love never ends, and our experience of His love never ends, either.

      You and I are a lot alike I think — music touches us deeply. Some of my best experiences with God are through music. So thankful!

  9. Sarah April 20, 2015

    YOU have a huge ministry! Your honest, open and vulnerable writing has encouraged me greatly as a mom, wife and co-laborer on the overseas field.  We have been thru many struggles and even more transitions than I dreamed.  I thought we would be well adjusted to our new lives by now. I am learning we are always adjusting. And that my trust in God grows with each turn.  Thank you for writing and sharing.  I am certain your words and life encourage many more struggling souls than you will ever know.

    1. H April 20, 2015

      YOU have a huge ministry! Your honest, open and vulnerable writing has encouraged me greatly

       

      Yes! Totally agree.  A couple months ago I was working through a lot of things and in 2 or 3 weeks I devoured 2 books, almost the entirety of your blog and another, as well as good portions of this site and another.  And word by word God used those to tear down parts of me that needed to go, and rebuild me again with better views of who He is and who I am. But your posts were so helpful in that process and in giving me hope in the muddle of it.

      1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

        Thank you for this testimony, H. So glad we can all walk together towards Him. So glad that He uses us to spur each other on to greater depths of faith and love. So glad your faith is being built (and rebuilt), and so glad He gave you hope in the middle of it. xoxoxoxo

    2. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      Thank you Sarah, your words are so sweet. Ironically it was writing itself that was the focus of most of my pain and most of our disagreements. I looked around and saw my husband flourishing in all areas, and I felt my only gift was writing. But he had that gift as well! And usually better than me! (From my perspective at the time — so much has changed now.) It felt so hopeless.

      One time someone told him how much both our writing ministered to them. Later he told me what that person said, and he told me he believed that in the coming years, when people said that, that he would be able to tell them, “That’s God at work; that was one of the hardest things in our marriage.” I didn’t believe we would ever get to that point of being able to say “was.” I thought his hope and faith were fruitless and silly. Again, so much has changed, and it’s only God!

      May God be with you in all your transitions. (I, too, dislike transition and prefer being settled and well-adjusted.) So wonderful that you are learning to trust Him in the constant transitions! Be blessed today.

  10. T April 20, 2015

    The most broken part of our marriage has been made whole. I never thought I’d be able to proclaim that.”   wow.  that can happen!?!?  God, I ask for this to be true in my marriage, and in the marriages of the women represented here.  God, we ask you to take our most ugly, our most broken yuck and change it for Your Glory and our enjoyment in proclaiming Your Ableness.  Amen.  (back translating in my head–don’t think ableness is an english word, is it!? anyway, you get the point.)

    1. Elizabeth April 20, 2015

      Yes, it really can happen. Through God Alone, it really can happen.

      Praying along with you, that the most broken part of your marriage will be made whole, that the most broken parts of each marriage represented here at VA will be made whole, and that the most broken, ugly parts of all our lives will be made whole. That’s what You long to do, God, and we ask You to show Your power in our lives. We ask You to show Your Ableness to the world. Amen.

      (And yes, ableness is totally a word!)

  11. Emily April 21, 2015

    Oh man. Did you look into my soul and write this about me??? So many times in my life I’ve felt this way. Right now, it’s as we raise support. Our friends are almost done, but we languish behind, slowly slogging forward. The other day as I was talking to my husband he asked, “Why are you so concerned. Don’t you believe that God loves you?”

    I burst into tears and said, “I know He loves me, I just think He loves them more.”

    I still haven’t found my way out of this feeling. And it feels silly to be an overseas worker who is unconvinced of God’s love. But it’s good to know I’m not alone.

    1. Elizabeth April 23, 2015

      Oh Emily, I’m so sorry support raising has been so discouraging and has planted seeds of doubt for God’s love for you. I am just so sorry for this season. Your faith must feel very bruised right now. 🙁 Support raising is hard already! To deal with these questions and feelings on top of that makes it so much harder.

      “I know He loves me, I just think He loves them more.” So many of us have had that thought at various times: You are NOT alone in your feelings. I had no idea how many people would resonate with these thoughts. You are definitely not the only one! You say “it feels silly to be an M who is unconvinced of God’s love,” but again, you are in good company.

      I pray God will send you little evidences of His love for you, and that you will treasure them up and never let go of them in your heart. I pray you will know and rely on the love God has for you and that you will feel it spreading to the deepest parts of you. I pray you will know you’re not alone on the journey and that not only is God waiting to show you His love, that His people are, too. Amen.

      1. Emily April 24, 2015

        Thank you for your sweet response. It brought tears to my eyes. Truthfully, though support raising has been hard, I’m grateful for it, too. I always had these feelings I think I just tended to ignore them. I felt like this when I was single and all my friends were dating, when I was dating and all my friends were engaged, when I was engaged and all my friends were married… (See a pattern? Perhaps God wants me to learn something by being a step behind… 😉 )

        Thank you for your prayers. Praying that you feel God’s deep, personal, intimate love for YOU, too. Maybe it’s because of this weakness that God choose us for this service…who better to explain God’s love to people who don’t think He loves them than people who have spent a lot of time wrestling with the very same feeling?

  12. Marie April 26, 2015

    Dear Elizabeth, your testimony is so touching … because you’ve been so honest with us about your profound wrestling, cocooned in the struggle of doubt & fear, as well as the flight that you’ve soared upon as you spread your wings of belief and trust. What a gift you’ve given us with your story. Thank you. I am going to share it with my circles … not because I have had the same circumstancial struggle in comparing myself with my husband, but because I’m surrounded by people who often say to me, “I wish I could be more/as (fill in the blank) like/as you, Marie.” I don’t see what they see – truly. I am generally, and sadly, more focused on what I didn’t do right. I love your perspective, which I share, about how I know God’s meting out of grace and good things does not skip children. I need to preach that application of the Gospel to myself! I’ve had many “I feel less than lovely moments” in my 40 years. As I look back on those years, I also see how God was whispering (or screaming) to me, and I couldn’t hear Him for the critical voices in my head (with mine almost matching Satan’s decibel). Jesus DOES love me, not just the wishful friends I have to whom I say that line ALL.THE.TIME. I hope you feel His love with this warm, virtual hug I’m sending you from Costa Rica!

    1. Elizabeth April 27, 2015

      Thanks for the hug, Marie! And I agree, I think we all need to preach the Gospel to ourselves every day!

  13. Marie April 26, 2015

    WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED TO MY POST!!!!! Please someone help me to take my GIGANTIC MUG off my post!!!! 

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh dear, God has a sense of humor. I do not like 90% of my pictures. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

     

  14. Laura May 1, 2015

    Elizabeth,
    Thank you for your honest posts. I relate to many of them. Just wondering – did you use a specific debriefing counseling program, or have a suggestion for one? Thanks.

    1. Elizabeth May 1, 2015

      Hi Laura. Great question 🙂 We’ve used several different counseling resources over the years. This particular experience happened at The Well in Chiang Mai, Thailand. We made appointments through their website and chose the “wellness check-up” option. It’s a 1-2 hour session.

      I know you can also get much more in-depth debriefing at MTI in Colorado, USA. Their one-week debriefing program is called DAR. That’s more expensive. The Well in Thailand is donation-based, so much more affordable.

      Hope that helps!

      1. Laura May 4, 2015

        Thanks Elizabeth!

  15. Ellie May 13, 2015

    Re-reading this today Elizabeth as I know I’m feeling a lack of joy at the moment and your title spoke to me. Love that God spoke to you through the coloured pencil picture. I am trying to let him do that for me in the small creative ways that fill me, speak to me and help me (as he often has done in the past but I’ve blocked myself recently somehow).

    Had a lovely encouraging picture during the VA retreat and trying to hold onto it being that God really does and did speak to me.. Fighting with our own doubts about ourselves and that somehow being mapped onto God is one of the (my) hardest struggles I think..

    1. Elizabeth May 13, 2015

      Thank you for sharing this beautiful story here. Yes — hold on to that picture, hold on to that sweet expression of love for you from the Father.

      And I know what you mean by being blocked up — I go through periods of that too. I’m praying that soon you’ll be able to recapture those creative ways that fill you, and be able to sit again and listen to His voice in peace.

  16. Underwhelmed by God’s Love | The Trotter Family July 21, 2015

    […] I said may not yet make sense to such childlike faiths — young hearts that don’t yet doubt God’s love for us human beings. But I hope that planting these kinds of revelations in their little hearts and […]

  17. Meghan March 2, 2016

    I cried.  My story is a bit different in a small ways, and I am stateside, but I struggled with this as well.  And the conversation you had with Julia above resonated as well.  I also have looked to that verse in the Message version too!  I am glad there is more light being shed on these things!! Thanks for being so transparent seriously. One bold sister in Christ begets another and maybe this is one way we can help “free” others who are in “chains.”

    1. Elizabeth March 3, 2016

      YES, totally agree, we can be brave together and help free each other. Thank you for that beautiful image.

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