My husband’s visa to the US came in the final weeks of 2021.
I hadn’t seen any of my family members since our wedding two years earlier. During that time, a pandemic had raged, I had gotten pregnant, had our first baby, and he was already nearing his first birthday. We quickly made plans to travel to the States just before New Year’s, which happened to be when my family was gathering together to celebrate Christmas.
It was such a joy and a longing fulfilled to be surrounded by those we had missed and hoped to introduce our son to. The month we spent in the States flew by quickly, but was filled with many precious memories that I knew we would cherish in the days to come when we once again felt that pang of loneliness and distance. We spent the last few days in another state visiting some of my husband’s family. Just a day before we were to fly back to our host country, I received a phone call from my parents. The news wasn’t good. My dad’s CT scan showed a large tumor pressing up against his spine.
I couldn’t believe it. My mind was reeling. We had just spent a wonderful month together, but how could I leave not knowing what was to come? There were still so many unknowns that in the end, I made the decision to go back to our host country. We had to find another house, move, renew our visas, and my husband needed to find a job. Our situation is complicated by the fact that we are a multicultural family, and my husband is not an American citizen.
After returning to our home overseas, my dad received the official diagnosis of multiple myeloma. He immediately started treatment with radiation and chemotherapy, which continued throughout 2022 and included a bone marrow transplant in October. It has been one of the hardest challenges for me living overseas to watch my dad go through this from afar, especially in the moments when he has really suffered. The biggest longing of my heart has been to be with him and my mom, and yet I remain half a world away because of this decision I made to live a very different kind of life.
Now another holiday season is upon us, and I find that this year I am missing my family, my culture, and my childhood traditions more than I ever have before. I miss the buildup to Christmas with all its lights and glitter and greenery. I miss Christmas parties with all kinds of goodies. I miss making lefse with my mom, playing board games with my brothers, and enjoying a truly white Christmas.
After my dad’s bone marrow transplant, I had a dream. I was standing next to my dad’s bed and I saw that resting on the head of the bed was a giant bald eagle. When I woke up, I felt very sure that this dream was from God. I thought of the verses from Isaiah:
“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:29-31 NLT).
I felt that this was a promise for my dad that, regardless of his current situation, he would find new strength again. His youth would be renewed. The Lord would bear him up on wings like eagles in the midst of this storm. My heart flooded with hope.
Do I feel a lack during this season, living in a country that doesn’t celebrate the birth of Christ? Most certainly. And yet, I realize that lack is not a lack of hope. “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast” (Psalm 139:7, 9–10 NIV). No matter how far I have traveled from my home, no matter who I have left behind, and no matter the deep longings of my heart, His presence goes with me and remains steadfast. The truth of who he is—Immanuel, God with us—is still true in this land where my feet now rest. “And this hope will not lead to disappointment” (Romans 5:5 NLT).
What are you longing for this holiday season? How have you found hope in Jesus?
4 Responses
Sarah, I’m reading this in tears having just finished a call with my sister as she updated me on my dad’s appointment with an oncologist yesterday. He was diagnosed with stomach cancer in October and had half his stomach removed November 1st. Recovery from such a drastic surgery is slow and he is so discouraged because he feels so weak and said he feels like he’ll never regain his strength. So that image of an eagle and Isaiah 40 was especially touching to me this morning- thank you so much for sharing!
Hi Michelle! Thank you for sharing. I can definitely understand that. And I’m sure it’s difficult for you to “see” him go through this from afar. Praying grace for you in this season and that your dad’s strength would truly be renewed! 💜
Oh Sarah, How beautifully you write. Our hearts go out to you, your Dad and your Mom. We are praying for him. May he truly rise up with winds like an eagle!
Our prayers are for you and your household. As you behold the Lamb, may He show up as a Lion and show cancer who is boss!!!
Thank you so much Lola! Amen!