Pearly in 2014

I have been through so many words looking for my one word for 2014. Being that I am a large conglomerate of interpersonal issues, finding one word to focus on and make progress with was difficult. Ideally, all the issues would be fixed immediately not one per year. I crunched some numbers and I am going to need to live to be 729 years old.

I felt like I was naming a child. I had a list and looked at it over and again. For weeks.

In fact, I was taking it SO seriously I even considered doing a photo-shoot (like these I found floating around on Pinterest) with all my words drawn on the concrete. Or with my cheddar cheese baby bump sprawled out in all it’s glory. But I reconsidered. And you are very welcome.

At one point I had decided on the word “focus” but my issue with that was that I am focused. Like a laser. The issue is that a lot of times my focus is on the wrong spot. So, I wanted to use “manual focus” for my one word. Except that it’s two words. I couldn’t find a website celebrating TWO words for 2014 so I trudged back to the drawing board.

As I look back at the life I’ve lived, I see a general theme of discontent. The circumstances themselves are really non-issues. It’s the heart I choose to bring into the situations.

I’ve mentioned before that at this current time, I have everything I would have said I wanted 5 years ago. As in, all of it. But still, something(everything) is not quite right. That’s a glaring “me” issue if I’ve ever seen one.

My word became obvious.

Enough.

I have enough time.
I have enough things.
Without even knowing the day, I know I have (likely) eaten enough Costco pretzel rolls.
I am enough as a person. A mom. A wife. A friend. A daughter.

I basically hate it. I would rather do almost any other word. Joy. Rest. Coffee.

Enough means I don’t get whatever I want whenever I want it. This word will make me uncomfortable. This word is exactly what I need and that’s why it’s irritating.

How does this one word thing play out? Well, my honest hope is that we all forget about the whole thing somewhere around January 7th. But my OTHER hope, when I stop to think about what is REALLY important, is that at the end of 2014, this irritation called “Enough” will have formed into something pearl-ish in my heart.

One idea I’ve been throwing around, I don’t even want to tell you about. I definitely don’t want to tell my husband. I don’t want you to know in case I completely fail. But, I feel convicted about the amount of money I spend on myself.

Each time I swipe the credit card, I assauage my guilt by telling myself I’m not as bad as Paris Hilton (why I choose to pick on her specifically I do not know). My husband likes to remind me that comparison breaks down quickly when you consider we aren’t working off the same budget as Paris. Paris or not, the truth is that all the little things I buy add up.

Another issue I see is that, frankly, I usually buy what I want when I want without regard for how it affects our budget or more importantly my heart. So, I have committed to not buying anything for myself (shoes, clothes, jewelry, music) for 6 months to a year.

Unless of course I am given cash or something… Send cash friends. Send cash.

My goal is not to be legalistic. I simply desire to increase my awareness of my spending habits. Less for our budget and more for the sake of my heart. I started October 19,2013.

Periodically throughout 2014 I will be checking in about what God is teaching me about “Enough.” I am looking forward to it. And I am not looking forward to it. People with big vocabularies would call that ambivalence. I am ambivalent.

So what word could possibly irritate you into pearl-ish-ness in 2014?

Feature photo credit  tanakawho via flickr