The Uprising Within

Most days, I don’t even know where to begin. This season, this chapter of life—it is complicated.

Not that living an overseas life for the past twenty-three years has been simple. Nor has the joining of two lives, across two cultures and two races, been without its fair share of complexities. And, if you add the multifaceted demands of ministry into that mix, you can be sure that there have been days of great difficulty.

But this chapter, this uprising that is happening within me, has a measure of complication all its own.

And what might that uprising be?

Well, it’s not pretty, but to put it in the words of Merriam-Webster, it is “the natural cessation of menstruation.” And let me tell you, menstruation is not the only thing that has ceased. So has my ability to recognize the girl staring back at me.

She is unmotivated. Tired. Smiling one minute and crying the next.

Then there’s the brain fog that refuses to lift. Up until my forties, I never struggled for words—just ask my husband. But here I am floundering, with concentration levels at an all-time low and forgetfulness at an unfamiliar high.

And do we even need to discuss the hormonal changes and the weight gain? Or how about the hot flashes and night sweats in a climate that is already relentlessly hot? And then there’s productivity, or the lack thereof, that teeters between seriously obsessive and completely unbothered. There is no in between. No balance. No drive. No semblance of that girl that used to have all her ducks in a row.

She prided herself on routine and the ability to tick all the boxes. She went to bed as means of rejuvenating her person rather than repressing her pain. She could lay her head down to sleep with the peace of mind that the day had seen the very best of her, not the apathetic version she’s become. Yes, she had a world of energy to engage with others.  

But I’ve not seen her in a while.

Instead, I’ve been a walking paradox. Parentally, wanting to hold on but needing to let go. Professionally, fulfilling my role but not satisfying my purpose. Personally, celebrating what is yet grieving what will never be.

Often lonely, but never alone.

Numb, yet filled with emotion.

Disheartened, yet brimming with hope.

Complete, yet unfulfilled.

I mean, can anything really prepare a woman for this menopausal state of being?  

Sure, we who serve in an overseas capacity can find a wealth of resources that helps us to prepare for and navigate the transitions of both leaving our passport culture and then re-entering it. It’s talked about in great length—as it should be—because, either way, it’s disruptive to life as we know it.

But so is this.

The transition from child-bearing years to a woman’s reproductive system shutting down shop is hugely disruptive. And while many may find the needed support in their passport countries to help them navigate the transition, I speak from personal experience that there is little support for those of us serving overseas. As a matter of fact, speaking on such issues in your host country is often unheard of and may even be considered a bit taboo. It seems that the expectation is for women to carry on about their lives in the same manner they always have.

But I assure you, I’m not the same. Not in my personal life. Not in my professional life. Not even in the ministry in which we have been called to serve. I am struggling to keep pace and to make peace.  

And something tells me I’m not the only one. According to a September 2020 infographic from the British Menopause Society:

• Forty-five percent of women say that menopause has had a negative impact on their work.
• Thirty-three percent say that they feel less outgoing in social situations.
• Fifty-one percent say that menopause has affected their sex lives.
• Thirty-eight percent of partners say that they feel helpless when it comes to supporting their partner through the transitions of menopause.

No doubt, the implications of going through menopause reach further than a woman’s inability to bear children. It can impact her work, her ability to socialize, and her marriage negatively. And even if this topic is taboo to speak of in the cultures in which we serve, it shouldn’t be in the culture of the church. We need to talk more about it in a space where the realities of going through these years are not downplayed. Paul reminds us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV),

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

So, Sisters, consider this an appeal, a cry for help of sorts. Yes, we women can google a wealth of information to help us prepare to transition into this new season of life. But it isn’t more information that I’m looking for.

Rather, as one who is not part of a sending organization, I’m looking for one-on-one support from women who have been there and done that—more specifically those who have dealt with the complexities of menopause while living an overseas life. I’m looking for women who are willing to help others navigate this transition with grace, providing the mentorship that is needed when support in their host country is minimal. I’m appealing for guidance for husbands so that they can better understand how to support their wives through the menopausal years.

Y’all, I’m not looking for an excuse not to serve. I’m looking for the encouragement to keep serving amid this perplexing season of womanhood.

What is some practical encouragement you can share for those on the verge of entering their menopausal years or for those who are in the messy middle of it?