It was a sunny summer morning and I was sitting outside with my morning cup of tea to my right and my bible in my lap. If you walked by at a distance, it looked like a peaceful scene. Woman reading while sipping tea. How quaint. How lovely.
I was so internally stirred up I could not focus. I knew I needed to spend time with Jesus. I wasn’t reading my bible out of obligation or guilt or because it was “the right thing to do.” I was trying to read because it was what I needed.
But sometimes even when you have done what is right and good—gotten enough sleep, eaten regularly, opened your bible—sometimes it isn’t enough. Principles aren’t formulas. Yes, it is wise to sleep, eat, and spend time with God regularly. But it is not does not guarantee that all will go well. On that morning, even though my bible was open, I could not read.
I went through the motions of reading. My eyes moved across the page but absolutely nothing was sticking. My mind was racing and the internal dialogue was loud. The tears started bubbling up in my eyes, blurring any hope of reading.
Why? Why? Why couldn’t I settle down? I was praying to be able to focus. I was asking God to help me put the internal drama to the side and help me to commune with him. I desired to meet with him.
But. It. Was. Not. Working.
My eyes darted to the page, and in what could only be called a gift from God, I saw enough to know the passage was about the two loaves and the five fish. God whispered, Amy, you are trying so hard to feed yourself. You are doing all of the right things, but you cannot feed yourself. You do not need to feed yourself, I will feed you.
I will feed you.
And I wept harder. Jesus will feed me. I don’t need to worry about feeding myself or doing things right.
I don’t know how you’re feeling about the retreat this weekend. I imagine most are excited and looking forward to it. Guess what, we are too! We are excited for the ways that God is going to meet you and speak to you and feed you.
But I know not everyone is excited. And you don’t have to pretend to be excited.
If you are weary, come. Jesus will give you rest.
If you are stirred up, come. Jesus will calm the waters of your soul.
If you are angry, come. Jesus will touch the pain behind the anger.
If you are hungry, famished deep inside where no one can see, come. Jesus will feed you.
Jesus wants to commune with you.
Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.”
But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children. Matthew 14:13-21
Jesus wants to commune with you. The only requirement for communing is that we show up. The people followed Jesus and he didn’t send them away, instead, he fed them. As I sat with tea and tears, Jesus told me he would feed me.
And he did.
And he will for you too.
Have you signed up for the retreat? It’s not too late. They all ate and were satisfied.
Thank you Jesus for feeding and communing with us.
Where do you need Jesus to feed you?
If you haven’t, there is still time to register for the retreat and be fed by the Lover of your soul!