Ruth touches gently on her experience of a miscarriage. If this topic is triggering for you, there is grace for you to move on and come back another day.
I was sitting surrounded by some of my favorite people. My heart longed to share the pain I was carrying, but I couldn’t. It was too fresh. I was still numbed by the shock. But just sitting together brought my hurting heart comfort. I had originally planned to share, during the retreat with my friends, about the new little life joining our family; instead, at just seven weeks, the bleeding started.
One of my favorite things about Velvet Ashes retreats is how well they are set up, making it easy even for those hosting to enjoy and fully participate. I usually barely even glance at the content apart from creating a schedule because I love the joy of experiencing it together as a group. We sit at the feet of the Father with open hands to receive the message he has just for us. I love how each person can look at the same picture or hear the same message and yet different messages are meant for each person.
As each lady talked about the opening prompt surrounding the idea of the River of God’s Love and how they saw themselves in relation to the river, I didn’t see myself on the bank looking at the water. I was in the water, but it wasn’t a gentle, peaceful stream in any sense. The river was flowing, abundant. It was full of rapids and often taking me places and at speeds that I didn’t feel ready for. As the retreat continued, I loved the imagery of floating instead of struggling against the water. The final image for me was much more peaceful. I was still in the river, which at times felt overwhelming, but this time I saw the hand of the Father cradling me as the water continued to rush around me. I felt at peace. Sometimes the abundance feels like so much that I am about to drown, but his hands are there steering me, holding me. I can rest even in those moments when I don’t know what the future holds, when I feel like I’m nearly drowning.
We decided to close our time of retreat in a less-than-peaceful manner by inviting all the dads and kids to join us for a closing dinner. I honestly lost track of how many people were in the house. It was just this feeling of slightly chaotic, but purely abundant, joy. Flipping hamburgers to feed the noisy mob felt oddly therapeutic. I just soaked up that unexplainable joy of community. I am so grateful not to have to do this cross-cultural journey alone. I have been so incredibly blessed by the quality resources and retreats that Velvet Ashes so carefully crafts. Each retreat has this uncanny way of being just the right message for the season I am in.
I often do feel that I’m living life right in the center of the often-raging rapids. I don’t always know where the Father is taking me, but I know his heart is good. I know his plans for me are best. One of the greatest gifts he gives is the gift of community: a place to share together, pray together, and cry together. It is such a privilege to get to hold each other’s hands as we walk this messy life.
To be honest, before I did my first Velvet Ashes retreat, I really struggled to find the deep community that my heart longed for. I had met some moms in similar seasons at playgroups, but it’s often hard to have a true heart-to-heart when trying to make sure your active toddler isn’t about to fall off the slide. But after the privilege of getting together with a group of ladies for a time of retreat, I was able to truly connect past questions like Where are you from? and What do you do? I was able to hear the answers to questions like What is God teaching you? and What are you learning in this season? Our little group is constantly changing as new people come and others are called to new things. We meet twice a month for a morning Bible study. Sometimes it’s a big group and other times only two of us make it, but the time is always rich as we walk this journey together, making space to soak in the truth of the word and listen for the truths that the Father has uniquely for us.
A few days after this year’s retreat ended, I was able to share the recent pain of experiencing a miscarriage with the group. The tangled arms of community were so comforting. Whether it was the gift of some tea or simply taking time to come over and just listen, I’m so grateful for friendships that have grown from the Velvet Ashes retreats. They have been truly life-changing and such a source of strength and comfort.
Have you struggled to find community? I would love to hear how God has uniquely met you during a Velvet Ashes retreat! If you haven’t yet done a retreat with a group, who could you invite to join you, either in-person or virtually?
The 2023 Velvet Ashes River Retreat is available and fully downloadable so you can experience time with God wherever you are. Learn more and check out all of our retreats at https://grow.velvetashes.com/.
