Dear Self,
It stinks to feel like a stick in the mud, doesn’t it? Saying no is hard. Feeling like you’re letting people down left, right, and center can weigh heavily, can’t it? Everyone has expectations for you. It can feel impossible to know what the right boundaries are and if you’re getting this whole life overseas thing right.
But, hey, do you remember the summer your little boy turned four? He loved visiting local friends’ homes with you, didn’t he? So much so that his request for his birthday was to go to your friend’s home and play the matching game with her, remember? What a gem of a kid! What kid wants to go spend hours in a small, sweaty house with few toys and repeatedly play the same game with a friend laid up with a crippled foot when they shared almost no common language? But he did and it brought him incredible joy.
But do you remember that same fall? Your little boy started school—and we’re not talking Western school where you ease in with a play-based approach, a few hours a day. We’re talking sitting at a desk for long hours with an emphasis on rote memorization. He spent six hours a day in a room where he was the only native English speaker, the only blond head among ebony-crowned children. He made friends and embraced the new experience. But how often did he ask to go visit other local friends? That’s right, he didn’t.
Intuitively, he knew that he didn’t have the bandwidth for that. The season changed and he embraced the new, but he also freely let go of the old. And you, did you force him to continue local visits, or did you change your expectations of him? Of course, you could see that he was at capacity.
Can you extend that same grace to yourself? Much like your little boy, you love the people you live among. They have expectations of you, yes, but do you realize you have expectations of yourself? Sometimes those expectations push you to live in a way that robs your joy. You ignore your needs in response to that pressure and you do so begrudgingly. Sometimes you succeed at saying no but continue to sit under the weight of disappointing others. Instead of grinning and bearing it, let that joy—or lack thereof—be a barometer of your boundaries.
Our roles overseas are constantly shifting and evolving—and with it, our capacity. Our boundaries will need to ebb and flow as well. Let the joy you have be the telltale sign that your boundaries are where they need to be. When you move into a new chapter, be thankful for each of the previous ones. At the same time, allow yourself to be free from old expectations. Build your boundaries so that in each season you can serve with the joy and resources that each new season requires.
You’ve got this. Say no so that you can say yes to the things the Father is laying before you in each season. You must let go of certain things to embrace the good works that the Father has prepared in advance for you to do. Boundaries allow you to serve with joy, so don’t apologize for setting some.
Let his joy be your guide. You’ll thank me later,
Your older, wiser self
Have you noticed a time when boundaries brought you joy?
