“Where is your boyfriend,” he asked me—again. It was the same question, anytime we interacted, and he wasn’t the only one who would ask. Every time I would give the same answer, “I actually don’t have a boyfriend,” to which he would inevitably reply, “Well, you need to bring him to church.”
“Are we both speaking English?” I would think as I mentally rolled my eyes. One of my “favorite” interactions was when this gentleman’s wife came up to me one day after church and said, “I saw you walking with your boyfriend.” I replied, “Actually that would have been my younger brother.” It was apparently inconceivable to not be dating someone.
My family moved to a small town right before I started high school, and it quickly became clear that one’s status (and value) rested strongly in who you were with. Most of the people in the youth group had dated each other at one point or another and dating very young was not only common but encouraged. Talk about culture shock.
I found it refreshing several years later when I moved to a bigger city and people’s first question wasn’t “who are are with?” but “what do you do?” Status is a funny thing. Are you single, retired, married, a stay at home mom? What label, what category do you fit in, people seem to be asking. Should I bother to get to know you? Will knowing you lift my current status or lower it?
My husband and I have a ministry working with widows in a country where having the status of widow can mean, in extreme cases, that the in-laws can take back a widow’s house. Ladies can go from being provided for to suddenly being left with nothing. For them a change in marital status is more than just a change in how they fill out paperwork, it can drastically change their standard of living.
When Facebook asks the question, “Where are you from?” I want to cry, “It’s complicated.” I think a lot of global workers can also feel this when it comes to status. Maybe you’re single but wish you were married. Maybe you’re married but marriage feels hard. Maybe the title of your work sounds impressive on paper but you feel that the majority of your day is spent hanging laundry, hand washing dishes (again) and trying to make familiar tasting foods from unfamiliar ingredients. Why did I even cross that ocean? Maybe the title of global worker feels like too much pressure. Maybe you’re back in your passport country when you thought you would have stayed longer in your host country. Maybe your heart longs for a less complicated life. What’s your status? I’m guessing it’s complicated, not easy to answer in a single sentence. Global workers rarely fit well in neat, little boxes.
Shortly after my oldest daughter was born, we were invited to join the worship time during an annual conference for an organization that my husband used to be a part of. We got there late, but my postpartum heart was just so happy to be out of the house. My husband slid over to sit on the side of the church where the men were mostly sitting. I slid into a nearly empty back row next to another expat I hadn’t yet met. I tried a bit of small talk but her responses were short and had a clear tone of “I don’t know you. Why are you trying to talk to me?” Just happy to be out of the house, I didn’t even mind her shortness and closed my eyes soaking in the worship happening around me. During the standard meet and greet time, a flood of friends I had not seen in awhile rushed over to give me huge hugs and take a peek at the new baby sleeping away in the carrier strapped to my chest. As the meet and greet song wrapped up, people filed back to their pews and my formerly frosty neighbor turned to me a bit astonished by the welcome and asked in amazement, “Who are you?” I just smiled and answered, “I’m Simon’s wife.”
Who are you? A foreigner? A Muzungu? Does the pigment of your skin constantly affect how people treat you? Do you feel labeled and boxed in by your relationship status or lack of a relationship status? Friend, know that He sees you—really sees you—deep into your heart. Not as men, who are quick to label, see you but as the One who made you and who loves you. He sees you not for who you are with, where you live, or even for what you do but just for being uniquely and beautifully you. Who are you? It is complicated, yes, but always remember that you are a deeply loved daughter living a challenging but also a uniquely beautiful life.
How do you respond when people label you according to your current life status? Do you struggle to feel seen as a person not just someone quickly labelled by your current status?
Wonderful that we are really seen by the One who really loves us. It’s also complicated when you return unexpectedly – am I still a global worker? It struck me recently that as a GW we are given a status by our sending churches too. They want to honour us and what God is doing. That’s also complicated! And when you stop being a partner working overseas, you have to submit your changed status and attention to the one who sees.
Yes, so true. A life long journey in finding identity in Him alone. I am so thankful that no matter what status changes happen in life the Father’s love is always constant.